nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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