im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize