ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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