walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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