it hurts more in the daytime
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
