Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
