He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
