he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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