just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
