so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
