i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
