i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
