So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
