Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
