sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
