honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize