Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
