We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
