I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
