Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Shame is for Republicans.
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