OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
