It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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