THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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