this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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