dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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