if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
