Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
