Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
