Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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