i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
