sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
