Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize