The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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