Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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