he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize