I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
