i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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