how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
