every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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