He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
