i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
