were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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