I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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