Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
