I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
