it wasn't lemon gatorade
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
