one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize