We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
