Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
