dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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