nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
