My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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