"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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