Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
