I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize