i can't believe i had my finger in that
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
