I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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