Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
