I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She even gives head with a lisp.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
