Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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