Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
