the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
