do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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