You smell like stripper and shame
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
