If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
