for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
